Friday, January 14, 2011

Secrets

Secrets

Seeds

Of waiting-to-be-told

Dying-to-be-told

Crying-to-be-heard

Seeds

Mutter silently, rolling this way and that

Wracked by the desire to be born

But nobody can hear them

Only the rain

Mother rain

Guardian of secrets

Listens

Waits

Because she knows that nothing is born before its time

3 comments:

  1. I really want to comment. But have no words that will do justice. So let me just feel your words instead of a lame 'Awesome' or 'Great' to fill this space

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  2. I love the last line. But I feel this can be worked on some more.

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  3. "Of waiting-to-be-told

    Dying-to-be-told

    Crying-to-be-heard"

    Three different things here so I would use three different to-be's. Waiting, dying, crying -- three diverse ideas ranging in intensity. But your repeating of to be tolds restricts me, doesn't take me through the range.

    Also, maybe I am not reading it right but I feel you could have gotten the idea of the rain to be a lot more impact-full (?) than it is here. But then, that's entirely personal.

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