Secrets
Seeds
Of waiting-to-be-told
Dying-to-be-told
Crying-to-be-heard
Seeds
Mutter silently, rolling this way and that
Wracked by the desire to be born
But nobody can hear them
Only the rain
Mother rain
Guardian of secrets
Listens
Waits
Because she knows that nothing is born before its time
I really want to comment. But have no words that will do justice. So let me just feel your words instead of a lame 'Awesome' or 'Great' to fill this space
ReplyDeleteI love the last line. But I feel this can be worked on some more.
ReplyDelete"Of waiting-to-be-told
ReplyDeleteDying-to-be-told
Crying-to-be-heard"
Three different things here so I would use three different to-be's. Waiting, dying, crying -- three diverse ideas ranging in intensity. But your repeating of to be tolds restricts me, doesn't take me through the range.
Also, maybe I am not reading it right but I feel you could have gotten the idea of the rain to be a lot more impact-full (?) than it is here. But then, that's entirely personal.